Struggling against excuses

I often sit and wonder how women my age have multiple kids. I can barely keep my head on straight these days just trying to figure out when to study for work (study for work, yes....I see up to 8 kids a day right now and looking up things AT work isn't working for me at the moment), fit in a work out, fit in cleaning, cooking, researching and buying healthy foods.

This is the very last week that I make excuses. The last week that I say that I can't find the time to do this or that. There is no reason that I can not fit in a workout 3-4 times a week. There is no reason what so ever. I have the healthier eating down, I'm sleeping enough, I'm working. I'M SO FREAKING TIRED and I wonder how in the world I can workout but frankly?? I'm thinking that if I just GET UP AND GO workout that I won't feel this way. I have absolutely NO EXCUSES, except for my own laziness.

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On a side note, that has to do with the anxiety that I deal with every single day of my life...The last few weeks have been hard for me. In October, I decided to try medication. Again. It was a medication I had tried before and actually didn't mind a ton so I thought, why not go for it again. It's called Strattera, a medication mostly for my ADD, which is often what actually sparks anxiety in me. OMG. My body has not been happy about it. AT ALL. I have been perpetually anxious since October 21st.  In December, the doc a fiddled with my dosage.  Then fiddled with it some more.  For two weeks I felt paralyzed. I was teary, I was emotional, I was barely functioning at work.

So this week, I quit. I quit the medication for the very last time. It's only been a few days since I had my last dose. I still feel a little foggy. I don't love this foggy feeling. But feeling a little foggy and tired is better than feeling paralyzed. It's better than screaming at my husband, and breaking down over the littlest things. It's better than feeling my heart race all the time.

I miss working out and this medication wasn't letting me work out. It made me miserable.

I'm sure that when I see my counselor this week, I will be frowned upon for not talking to my doctor first. I'm sure you would say the same thing to me. But I can't be in hell anymore. And I wasn't going to wait 1-3 weeks until I could get a morning slot with my doc for a med check. And I think its dumb to go see a doctor to say, I'm done with meds RIGHT NOW -- here's my $30 copay for that little conversation. I don't recommend up and quitting meds, by the way, if they work for you. Just a little disclaimer.

The last day or so is the first time in a long time that I have felt like myself again. I booked our flight to Hawaii in June just yesterday, and I am READY to be my fittest on our (late) honeymoon. I have an awesome man by myself who has been patient with me through all of this. I'm very lucky.